How have you been feeling? I have been very lucky in that I have not experienced any morning sickness. A couple mornings I did have some bouts of queasiness but these were remedied with an everything bagel toasted with cream cheese from Tim Horton’s. I have been off dairy for most of the past year and do not have bagels often but once I became pregnant this all changed. Sometimes you have to give in to your cravings – a little cream cheese won’t hurt anyone. I decided to make this post more of an educational one. It is important to know where to begin once you find out you are pregnant! Ensuring you have the appropriate nutrients will also help you feel stronger during this transitional time. I have listed and described the nutritional support you should start thinking about once you find out you are expecting. This is a vital time for you and your baby and therefore, important you support your health to ensure you are strong enough for your new little one. This is not easy to do! I do this for a living and I have found getting everything I need on a daily basis to be somewhat of a challenge. I find having all of the information laid out with explanations is a great start. Sit back, relax and enjoy! I have been feeling pretty tired lately. I find that once nighttime falls I am wiped! I am usually a night owl so this is a significant change for me. Your adrenal glands become even more taxed when you are pregnant. The adrenal glands are located above the kidneys and control many of our body processes as well as produce hormones. Making sure the body is getting the vital nutrients it needs at this time will help reduce the extra stress placed on the adrenal glands. It is very important to make sure you are taking a prenatal vitamin and to ensure that you are absorbing the nutrients from the prenatal. Digestion is VERY important! If our digestion is out of balance and you are not absorbing the appropriate nutrients from the food you are consuming it can become a serious issue. I will be discussing ways to support your digestion in upcoming blog posts. I wanted to list some of the must have for your medicine cabinet once you find out you are pregnant. A friendly reminder that it is very important to consult your Naturopathic Doctor (ND) or physician before taking anything, as everyone is different and each person has different health needs. What may be safe and effective for one individual may not be so for you! Your supplement regimen will change as you transition through each trimester of pregnancy but for now I will just discuss the must haves or your first trimester.

• Prenatal Vitamin– there are many vitamins out on the market – make sure to consult a Naturopath of your physician to ensure you are taking one that has sufficient daily doses of the essential nutrients you need at this point in your pregnancy.
• Vitamin D– your body needs this to maintain health levels of calcium and phosphorus in your body. Remember – your baby will take the nutrients he or she needs at your expense! A deficiency in pregnancy can lead to issues with your baby’s growth, impact your baby’s birth weight and even lead to pregnancy complications such as preclampsia. It is a good idea to have your Vitamin D levels checked once you become pregnant. This is tested through blood.
• Probiotics– it is important to maintain healthy gut and vaginal flora throughout your pregnancy. Probiotics can help to prevent UITs during pregnancy as well as keep you regular during this very constipating time.
• B Vitamins – it may be necessary that in addition to your prenatal you may also need to supplement with B vitamins. B12 can plummet during this time and it is important to monitor your blood levels.
• Folic acid– making sure that you are supplementing with folic acid. Consult your ND or physician to see what form of folic acid supplementation is best for you. Supplementing with folic acid will help prevent birth defects of the brain and spinal cord.
• Calcium/Magnesium– if you are not too overwhelmed with the amount of supplements you need to start thinking about at this time it would be a great idea to add a calcium/magnesium supplement to your regimen. As the baby’s skeleton starts to grow you will need more calcium. Magnesium will also help you relax and if taken at bedtime can help you sleep and alleviate muscle cramps. You may find that your sleep is restless. Once you enter the second trimester supplementation with calcium is vital as the baby’s skeleton is being formed at this time.
• Fish Oil– EPA and DHA stand for eicosapentaenoic acid and docosahexaenoic acid respectively. These fatty acids are omega-3 fats. EPA supports the heart, immune system and helps reduce inflammation within the body. DHA supports the brain, eyes and central nervous system. DHA is especially important during the first months of pregnancy as your baby’s brain is developing. As you get closer to delivery it is important to make sure you are also supplementing with EPA to support delivery and promote healthy production of breast milk.
• Vitamin C– helps support your immune system, as it can get weak during pregnancy and helps to prevent preeclampsia and premature rupture of membranes.
• Iron– iron levels are often measured as Ferritin. Ferritin is a protein that stores iron in the body. Once this starts to go down, you may start feeling more fatigued and may start to notice other symptoms such as hair loss. Monitoring these levels and being proactive with supplementation is a good idea. Once again – consulting your doctor on which iron supplement is good for you is important as iron can be constipating. There are different forms of iron therefore, finding the one that is best for you is important. You can also start using organic blackstrap molasses as it is a natural source of iron and not as constipating – 1 tablespoon to 1 cup of almond milk or warm water.
• Protein– Please make sure you are getting enough protein. You should be having about 75g of protein daily in your first trimester (this may fluctuate depending on your weight and activity level). It is hard to get this in! Trust me! Adding a protein shake to your diet is a good way to ensure you are getting the recommended dose. Protein not only will help support the growth of your baby but will also help keep you strong, reduce fatigue and help alleviate queasiness and nausea.
• Seems like a lot! Good news– you can continue this regimen throughout your second trimester. Things may need to be modified slightly but that will be at the discretion of your ND or physician.

Lateral view of pregnant female abdomen showing round ligament and uterosacral ligament

Next, I would like to discuss round ligament pain! Does anyone even know what that is! I do now! If you are also suffering from this – you are not alone! Women often talk about morning sickness and feeling tired but I have not heard many women talk about their ligament pain! I have found this quite significant because it is a type of pain I have never experienced before. At first it can be scary but once you realize what is going on inside your body and what your body is going though it makes total sense. As the uterus is growing the round ligament that surrounds your uterus is stretching and thickening and this hurts!! I notice it when I am stretching or moving around. Sometimes it comes out of nowhere and it can feel like a sharp pain travelling from the uterus to the opening of the vagina. Please remember that if you are experiencing any abdominal pain and you are not sure what is causing it or are worried please contact your midwife or physician. This is a lot to take in for this post! Please stay tuned! Below are some of the topics I will soon be blogging about:

• How to tell your partner/spouse you are pregnant and how to support each other through this exciting yet very scary time
• How to pack your travel bags when you are pregnant! Ensuring you have everything you need when you are away.
• What to do when you get sick! I have been sick for the past few days so this is a very fresh topic.

References: 1. http://www.austinmidwifeforum.com/2009/05/22/sharp-pain-low-in-my-belly/ 2. http://pregnancy.familyeducation.com/second-trimester/12-weeks-3-days.html 3. http://pregnancypainrelief.com/ 4. http://digitaldoula.com/

Happy Valentine’s Day!

On this special day, we try to show our partners how much we love them. When we think about Valentine’s Day we often picture images of flowers, chocolates and romantic dinners. While we may enjoy these traditional rituals we sometimes look for those personal touches that makes one another feel loved. What if there was a gift that came free of charge and truly added that personalized touch we often look for when finding that perfect gift for our significant other?

The gift this article is referring to is the gift of love communication. By this we mean gaining a deeper understanding about how our partners “feel” love and how we can speak to them in their primary “love language”.  An individual’s love language refers to the specific types of actions that leave them feeling truly loved. There are five categories, each with its own types of actions that strongly translate into feelings of love for that individual.  Please refer to the link below to learn more about the five categories and determine your primary love language.

Many of us do feel love from each category but the goal here it so determine your partner’s primary love language and therefore the category in which they feel most loved. We do not consciously decide or pick our primary love language. What determines our primary language is a combination of factors such as, our previous romantic experiences, our childhood upbringing and how we engage with people on a daily basis.

As an individual you might not even realize what your partner’s primary love language is because you are speaking to them in your primary love language. For example, if one partner’s primary love language is “act of service” while the other partner’s primary love language is “physical touch” there can be mixed signals and a break down in intimacy. Let’s use the example of Jane and Steve.

Being Valentine’s Day, Jane is making dinner for her husband Steve because her primary love language is “acts of service” and she thinks Steve would feel so loved if she makes him his favourite meal. Steve comes home with beautiful flowers and hands them to Jane. Jane smiles and fills a vase with water amongst the chaos of finishing up the final touches for dinner. Steve gets changed and sits at the table and they quietly eat their dinner. Jane senses that Steve is in a bit of a low mood and attributes it to him having a bad day at work. After dinner Steve continues with his evening as usual and Jane clears the table, albeit feeling somewhat resentful.  The two of them carry on as their usual evenings do before going to bed.

You will notice that in each case, each partner tried to do something to show love for the other. Jane made Steve a wonderful meal and Steve brought home a beautiful bouquet of flowers for Jane. Despite these being nice gestures there was a lack of focus on each other’s primary love language. As a result, each partner may have been confused on the signals they were sensing from one another.

Steve’s primary love language in this case is “physical touch” and he didn’t receive a strong enough love signal in his primary language.  Despite the chaos of dinner Jane could have maybe stopped, looked at her husband and given him a genuine hug and kiss to thank him for the flowers. Furthermore, Jane could have made an opportunity to incorporate physical touch by holding Steve’s hand at dinner or cuddling with him afterwards. Any of these actions speak to Steve in his primary love language.

Jane’s primary love language is “acts of service”. Steve perhaps could have noticed the effort Jane was putting into dinner and grabbed a vase for the flowers, maybe poured the two of them a glass of wine and also perhaps cleaned up the dishes after dinner. Any of these actions would have deeply spoken to Jane because her primary love language is “acts of service” and doing things for her, especially when not requested would deeply speak to her.

It is also important to discuss the love language promoted on Valentine’s Day. This love language is called “receiving gifts.” Many people operate with this being their primary love language. This means that many of the traditional actions surrounding Valentine’s Day will be interpreted as strongly as they are intended to be for these individuals. Having a different primary love language does not mean that your partner does not like having dinner made for them or they do not like receiving flowers. It just means it is not their primary language and coupling the traditional Valentine’s Day rituals with an action that truly speaks to your partner’s primary love language can certainly go a long way in building connection and intimacy.

When it comes to intimacy, often times the discrepancy in communication comes about when each partner speaks a different “love language.” This is more often then not the case and by learning about your partner’s primary love language and speaking that language through your actions will certainly help spice up the romance and leave each of you feeling loved.

Click here to take the love languages quiz: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

By: Ashley Masri, ND

Dear Pam,

My daughter and I have had this off and on relationship for years, she’s 24 now. Things were beginning to get better about a year ago when I left my partner of 6 years. He wasn’t a positive influence on my family, friends even said he had narcissistic characteristics, so I understand my daughters distance then but I’m having trouble understanding it now that I’m on my own.

She’s been living with her boyfriend for about 3 years and I can’t help but think he’s a narcissist and controls when and who she can see. She has mentioned he’s emotionally abusive. I’ve been recently diagnose with severe depression and not having a relationship with her is really hurting me.
I guess what I want to know is, should I tell her it’s hurting me and should I tell her she’s living with a narcissist?

Shelly

Dear Shelly, Thank you for your email and thank you for allowing me to share your journey of trying to manage parent-hood with a child who chooses, for the moment to keep their distance. I say, for the moment, because we have to remember life is fluid, it moves when we do.

I know your story of a child who’s distant all to well…and share my offerings in hopes that something aligns with the direction you wish to go as a mom and as a woman.

The ideas I share are not magic or textbook, they are from a place of clearly knowing my intention, which was to have a healthy relationship with my 2 daughters… and then peeling the layers of what healthy meant to me, i.e. safety, stability, active listening, knowing who I was in their presence, being supportive and peeling my ideas of what supportive looked like etc….

Should I tell my daughter I’m hurting? There are no simple solutions or quantum inspirations that can mend a soul in pain. One thing I know for sure… when we get still, when we search deeply, and just sit in that stillness for however long it takes, beautiful things emerge. Our body turns into this emotional barometer and helps move us in the direction that best aligns with our intentions. This movement feels good, it makes more sense than any other option, it feels free… So I guess what I’m saying is, a lot of the answers you’re looking for are inside you, waiting for you to get still!
Here are some ideas that might help move some old material out of the way so new material has room to move in.

Women…moms, well we’re pretty powerful beings and when we venture on the path of personal growth and well-being our lives expand. When we take authority over our own life first we are better able to support or walk with a loved one in need. Kinda of like the oxygen mask procedure in the airplane, put your mask on first, then assist your loved ones. Getting to know who you are, what makes you tick, what makes you feel safe, is like spinach to Popeye – powerful!

Should I tell my daughter she’s living with a narcissist? I don’t know if you’ve ever had the experience of having your own mom or even a friend give their biased opinions about the person you were dating but it usually doesn’t feel good or end well. The child usually stays in the relationship longer to prove the parent wrong or feel a sense of shame for not meeting expectations and stop sharing all together. They can go as far as thinking that the solution is to give up more of who they are, handing over most of their power, for the sake of another’s happiness and avoid their worst fear of all, being unwanted.

Plant dream seeds Shelly and sprinkle them with loving and warm thoughts about what life will look like, smell like, taste like, sound like and feel like when you and are daughter are where you want to be. Get well enough in your own mind so you can trust that you deserve to not just dream it but live it too.

Namaste, Pam Blanchard
CERTIFIED LIFE COACH, CERTIFIED IN ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION